Is it Legal?

These are campers hands.




So... I went camping with Clay and his parents. That was interesting. I didn't bring a damn thing, which would typically equal fail, but... I got to wear a lot of Clay's clothes and use his toothbrush. He says I look good in them. And he says I look beautiful without makeup. I think he wins at this game. (Shit. I just lost the game.) He's my favorite bed condiment.

We saw the stars, and they were absolutely fucking amazing. He fed me cashews one at a time, by putting them on the tip of my tongue. And he makes me eat a bite of everything of his. He appreciates the fact that he can do the things he does with me... and he was so grateful just for the fact that I got to go camping with him. Even though the ATV didn't work, and he was in a less-than-good mood because of it... he didn't take it out on me. He's DEFINITELY not afraid of PDA... and it's getting to the point where every time he does something, and I look at him... it actually physically hurts not to be able to tell him that I love him. I'm so scared of ruining this. So very afraid.

I went to a punk show with him last night. Krum Bums, Whole Wheat Bread, and GBH. Jesus. All the metal shows I've been to, I've not seen such a small amount of people with such a huge fucking pit. Clay got his eye split open, but he made the best of it. I actually had a lot of fun. I'm pretty sure when I kissed him, I probably ended up with decent amounts of his blood, and other guys' sweat in my mouth... but fuck it. He had so much fun there, it was amazing.

Tonight we're not doing zombies, but we're definitely going to the movie. Mouse will probably be bummed at that, but... maybe not wearing makeup will keep me from breaking out - it's been pretty bad lately, maybe this is why.

I've never met a guy I've been so in sync with. This is amazing - I've finally found my Slott.

So. Tiffany's pregnant again. Supposedly with Mike's kid, again.

For the first time in my life, I'm seriously debating ending this pathetic excuse for life. Too bad I'm not stupid enough to actually follow through.

I really fucking hate my life.

I want to shoot my fucking face off. Randy, this is what you were so jealous of.

Well here it is. Fell head over heels for no fucking reason again. This just in:

you know lee i been thinking i think we should take a break from each other for a while. because im starting to feel like even though it is untitled that we are in a relationship thats what has been bothering me all this time but i didnt want to tell you because i dont want to lose you as a friend....... just until i can start thinking normal again

You won't lose me as a friend. =) um... just don't push me away and avoid me like you do to other people sometimes, okay? that's why I asked you last night if it bothered you, me always sleeping with you, and hanging out with you all the time. So I probably shouldn't spend the night for a while, hmm?

probebly not i mean i dont want to creat any auqward moments or anything i know we are both going to the halloween party this sunday so no auqward moments please....... besides why would i push you away you are one of the coolest people i know

Well thanks, I guess.
Do you still want to hang out tomorrow for a while, or do you kind of not want to hang out for a few days until the Halloween party? I mean, it's up to you, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, you know?

probebly not for a few days......... i really need to start thinking on the right path before i end up doing something stupid, you have no i dea how much stress this has been putting on me

This is where it gets exciting:
Well I'm at least glad you let me know, before I started really irritating you and getting on your nerves.
And I know you don't need any more stress, quitting smoking and everything.
I just have one question... you really don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable... even though just reading it will probably make you uncomfortable.
Is this the kind of deal where you just need a break for a while, and then we pick up where we left off, maybe try a relationship someday, maybe not... or is it the kind of thing where you really don't like me "like that", and you never will, and I should just move on, think of you as *only* a friend... find another guy, stuff like that...?
Like I said, you don't have to answer right away... but it's just something I'd like to know some day soon, so I can do the right thing and not irritate the hell out of you when I do something.

i see you more as a friend

Funny that this could make me cry harder than finding out Carol was dead. I love how people say "I don't want to get into a relationship because I don't want to hurt you" when you're already past the point of having given a person your heart and soul. And bloody fucking irony that I just bought a dozen roses to watch them die.

He's known for two weeks now that I "like" him.

I wonder if he knows like is forever?

I spend every night with him for at least an hour, and most of the time, I spend whole nights with him.

I feel good in his arms, and he actually feels good in mine.

Yep, it's love.

There's no better feeling than knowing that you're sleeping next to the man that you want to wake up next to for the rest of your life. When you put your arm around him, and he pulls you closer... that's what life is all about.

And yeah. I'm willing to wait forever, even for "maybe".

It finally dawned on me that my recent interest in any guy has been a subconscious distraction from Kevin... I'm looking for other guys, to take my mind off of him. Rejection is a wonderful thing.

So, one of the worse things I've done lately, was partied with a bunch of guys from my unit. Of course, I was the only one that didn't show up with my girlfriend. MY BAD.

In the process, Slaughter, who I'm so very slightly attracted to, decided that he wants to be my friend, and even worse, his girlfriend absolutely adores me. Trusts me completely. She's only 19. Tonight, they want me to go with them to one of her friend's birthday parties... hello? I just met her! Well. I have no idea where any of this is going, and I'm not sure I want to know.

Life would have been so much easier if Kevin wasn't such a douche. How come I always fall for the guys that don't want anything to do with me?

Even still, this time I fell too damn hard.

Literally. No issues whatsoever.

Randy, my other half, took me downtown to check out The Shelter. Well. Yay for Cinco de Mayo... fuckers. And the rain. Well, I guess we had fun hanging out anyway - we always do.
Sean called out of nowhere. I seriously didn't know whether he had my number. He gives killer back massages though. Indeed.

And that's all. Really - zero drama is relieving. Now I must finish my school workings.

I still post here, despite the fact that I know you people are too lazy to read a fucking paragraph or two. Furthermore, Randy's the only one that posts, and only sometimes. So here's the only reason I can think of - I do it for myself. I suppose it's partially my fault I have no friends on here, but I don't care for people to know my personal life. I had you people because I fucking cared, and fuck you all for deciding that it wasn't enough.

Thanks for not keeping in touch offline too, you fucking pricks.

My life is going great - I thought I'd tell you, since you didn't care to hear it. I'm HAPPY without having to deal with YOUR fucking problems in addition to my own. I got out of Idaho, which is more than I can say for you. AND that's just ONE of my achievements.

...Mostly, I wish you all mercy, if you ever try to contact me again.

"I'm looking for donations to help support the Colorado State Fraternal Order of Police"
"Yeah, well I hope all the police get shot."
"Sir, this also helps support a child ID program to locate missing children."
"Well good - I fucking hate children too. I hope they all get shot!"

"Hey, is Mr. Smith available?"
"He just died a while ago."
"...shit, I'm so sorry..."
"So what did you need?"
"I was wondering if you'd like to make a donation to..."
"We're just getting over funeral bills, and now doctor bills - we just found out I have cancer..."

"Hi! My name is Danielle Sieben..."
"Get off my fucking line!"
"Sir, the Colorado State Fraternal Order of police..."
"Are you fucking stupid??"
"No sir, I'm just..."
"Leave me ALONE, you COCKSUCKERS!!

Yes... that's actually how the calls go. I can't believe I haven't quit yet, and here's the reason: I enjoy the people I work with.

Boss:
Shocky: Yeah... he's the boss. This is his last name... that's how it sounds, I don't know how it's spelt. He calls me Chichi, after MALE chihuahua that he used to have. He says that I have that shy-at-first but then in-your-face personality. He says that I have the ability to be $5 above the room average.

Supervisors:
Thaddeus: He's kind of good-looking in a hippyish way. Three-foot long hair, and 5 inch goatee. Hero to the max - he backs this cause 100%, and will back anyone else that backs the cause also. He appreciates hard workers, and he loves getting involved in stories. Not a morning personality... sometimes hungover. He'll be the boss when Shocky leaves.
Steven: Ultra-good-looking. Player. Top-seller. He's actually helped me out a lot since the time I've been there. He's one of those people that you strive to impress. He doesn't get sales by being a douche - mucho charisma. A ladies' man, and therefore, to be treated with caution.
Wallace Hall: An older man, mid-forties. He was the man who taught the last interview/class. Again, mucho charisma. Very attractive for an older man. Chauvinistic. Cynic. Very intimidating, in your face, entertaining. Our personalities feed off of each other.



The kids that I actually work with are entertaining and good looking also. There's some Kenny kid who stalks and irritates the hell out of me. He always asks me if I'm mad at him, and I want to punch him. Other than that, the guys are decent looking, and decent personality.

This place has a LOT of potential for keeping me happy when it comes to people I work with, but the job itself slays me. I just got my first paycheck today, and it was barely over 100$. It didn't have full hours on it, so when I get my next paycheck, it'll be mondo-higher. I'm excited, to a certain extent. It still wears me out tough.

In an attempt to shield my eyes from the sudden light, I looked away from the switch. Logic tells me that the switch is on the wall, and most sources of light come from the center of the room... but logic eludes me often. I stared right into the light as I turned the switch.

...a loser.

Really... I sat and played videogames. If that's enough, I was actually SAD because I finished Final Fantasy XII... sad because it was over, sad because despite the fact that its ending was the best I've seen, it was the shittiest FF I've played, sad because I gave up on trying to do many of the side quests. That's why I'm a loser.

So, not only did I finish FF12, but I went ahead and played Bouncer. And beat it. It was cute, but meant to be more of a multi-player fighter. Story line was minimal, maybe about an hour or so to play through. It was cute though, I suppose.

Tomorrow, I'll... play...... Dragon Quest VIII(?)

So I finally did it... I went to FRCC and now I have something like a class schedule. I'll be going for 18 credits this semester, which is a bit intimidating. What am I talking about!??! I'm scared shitless. I'm half convinced that I need to drop one class, but ...FUCK that half ;) Really. Am I the kind of person to back down when something 'can't be done'? hahaha... HELL NO.

I'll just sweat bullets until I find out that I can actually hack it. It's not like it's the first time in history someone took a full schedule... maybe it just wasn't a great idea to do that my first time around.

Do know though, that this is something weighing heavily on my mind right now; don't expect much communication until I get into the swing of things... if I ever do at all.

What a year full of life.

I had written so much on here, but I can sum it up in a few words:

R Nelson Jones
Kuwait
Corpus Christi, Texas
Spring Vacation
Mike
Sister's Graduation
Jacksonville, Florida
Concord, California
Mike
Turning 21
Seattle, Washington
Mike
Colorado
Mike
Randy
Friends.
Friends.
Family.
Friends.

I love you guys who have been here for me.

Life hasn't been this good in a long time. I can finally enjoy being me again, with people I love, in an environment that I love. Good family, great friends, and even better times.

I played the drums for the first time ever last Sunday. I pretty much suck, but I have to start somewhere. It was fun as all hell.

Hanging out with Randy has been a blast, as has going to the band practices, shopping, hanging out, and everything else we've been doing.

Ugh. So I go to Idaho tomorrow for a week. It'll be fun, yeah? I'm going out tonight to play pool with Randy and Josh, maybe more people. One could hope, right? The Friday after I get back, Josh promised me drunken karaoke.

I really should get his cheesecake.

I forgot to call Kevin for Thanksgiving. I'm fired.

All in all, I don't suppose California has been a bad experience for me, I've been to a few concerts, and seen a few bands. Yesterday was fun, the show was great. Megadeth used a couple of pyros, so it was fun. Opeth was probably my favorite band that played, and of course, Arch Enemy was decent too. I WAS going to go to a Dave Matthews Band concert today, but the tickets are all sold out. Bummer. Dave puts on a good show. That, and I would have LOVED to call Jeff to rub it in his face, like he did me - "Hey Sieb - do you know where I am?" "I don't know, I'm at a 49ers game..." "I'm at a DMB concert" "...oh... that sure beats the 49ers."

About a month and a half, and I'll be done with ALL the BS. Yay.

My computer is still crapping out, barely holding on. It's probably about time to buy a new one, but I'm still going to hold off as long as I can. I'm cheap like that. The internet here sucks anyway, I can't load pictures. I can't play my PS2 because they have plastic little plugs blocking the holes. (...yes, I DID drag it all the way down here...) So, between a computer that doesn't work and a PS2 that doesn't work, I'm unsure what to do with my life for the next 2 weeks.

Of course, I have a rental car, but I have no idea where the fuck I am. I almost got lost on the way home today. I almost couldn't even get the car, since I'm only 20. Yay for military orders. I have a Cobalt LS, whatever that means. I'd 'google' it, but I don't suppose it does me much good without pictures. Damn this computer.

It looks like I can still take online correspondent courses. Life may go on after all. I can take classes on anything from IT to Leadership Development (haha) to Foreign Languages.

At work, I'm falling into the problem of not knowing who to report to - who makes my hours, and who tells me what my job is. I had the same problem in Jacksonville, but it wasn't as bad - I wasn't there by myself. I figure that military should stick with the military, so I'll listen to the Sergeant when something conflicts with what the civilians tell me. I can't log on to a computer in the office, so that limits the work I can do. Of course, there really isn't going to be a mission until the week after I leave... I have no idea what I'm doing here now. What's new.

I heard there are supposed to be a bunch of privates coming in that I'm supposed to take charge of... that should be interesting, to say the least. I'm the youngest person in the office, and there's a good chance I'll be younger than most of the privates. ...it's just the job, I guess.

Driving around in California is kind of intimidating, but I'll take this opportunity to get over my dislike of driving. I was afraid to drive home on my own. I followed MAJ Griffin in to work today, so that wasn't really a problem. On the way home, I had a choice to wait for him to finish meetings so I could follow him again, or I could do it myself. I think normally I would have decided to wait for him, at the expense of my personal time... I need to stop depending on other people to be there for me. I decided to do it alone. I had to double back a few times, but I eventually made it. Yay for me (note the slight sarcasm).

Well here it is - the night before my trip to Cali. Yes. No. I won't be going.

We were working on the ship today, and they put a cease on vessel activity. It had been listing to one side terribly. I figure, ...Ok, too many helos on one side, just put some more on the other side, and it'll balance itself out. Think it was something that easy? No. There's a fucking hole 2x3 ft in the hull, down by the rudder. I could fit through that damn thing! How did they not know about it? You'd figure there'd have to be some kind of drag or something on it that they would have been able to notice during it's last sail.

So here's what we do about it - we offload ALL the 600-something pieces off this ship, and push it out, pull another ship in, and start loading again. Apparently Forgy thinks that none of this can be done without my assistance. There's something like 10 people in our section, which leave 5 to each shift. If they can't figure it out amongst themselves, then what the fuck have they been doing for the last year and a half? A little mad? YES I am. I've spent the last 3 nights packing, buying tickets, hotels, and rental cars. I had to cancel all that shit today. "Um... let me transfer you..." "Um... can I put you on hold?" I spent most of today on the damn phone listening to elevator music.

Of course, I already sold my concert tickets.

They say I MIGHT get to go to California in a week. I refuse to get my hopes up.

A hole in a fucking ship... you've got to be kidding me.

Well, I'm getting ready to go out camping. Yay. Can't say I'm looking forward to it. Why am I doing it? Because I said I would. I guess. I don't know. I don't care, all I know is that I am. Will I drink? I don't know. Will I get stupid? Only if I drink. Easy answer - don't drink, and I won't get stupid enough to do something I'll regret when I find out I did it.

We'll probably just go to the beach. Even though they all have tents and such, the mosquitoes are enough of a problem - I'll sleep in the van. Actually, I think I'd more enjoy it anyway. We'll be out there all weekend, so I'll talk to you when I get back.

Today was pretty humorous, otherwise. Plenty of laughing about head-butting soccer players, over-weight strippers, and making fun of Walkama for dancing. Ahlstrom pointed out that he was "performing in a way unbecoming of an NCO of the US Army." When he pulled out the book, I thought he was going to site specific regs, but instead flipped open at random... thus inspired, cautioned Walkama that he was "demonstrating one of the eleven serious symptoms of contamination by nerve agent." I guess you had to be there... but at the moment, it was damn funny.

Feel free to send me a message when I'm gone.

Well, aside from being lost in Jacksonville today for about 2 hours... it wasn't too bad. Of course, I was the office bitch, but I'm used to that. Everyone thinks they're going to be "using" me tomorrow... 2 out of 3 are going to be surprised that I can't be everywhere at once. Not my problem!

It's my pinky!


Other than that, nothing much happened today... People are starting to talk to me out of nowhere... old "friends" who want a favor... either that, or they're drunk, and want someone to listen to their mindless ramblings. I think it's funny how it comes in cycles. Everyone on this planet could leave me alone for a month, then out of nowhere, EVERYONE wants to know how I'm doing.

I'm still alive, thanks for asking.